I’M STILL HERE

I’M STILL HERE

Originally published May 13, 2013

So…I figured since I “own” this blog, I should probably come back and start, you know, blogging or something.

I’ll admit, almost everything I’ve done with the interwebs since about 2008 has had an undertone of trying to find a way to make money with it. Well, I’ve come to terms with the fact that CLEARLY that’s not ever going to happen with my blog…or, as it turns out, anything I have tried to do on the interwebs since 2008. So, instead of using my blog as a means to an end, I am going to use my blog for its original intended purpose. To, you know, blog about stuff.

Anyway, so I’ve been on hiatus from blogging for a while. You may have noticed…all four of you. To say I’ve been busy would be the understatement of the century. I moved into my in-laws’ basement with Ryan and the boys. We’ve been “happily” camped down here for a year and a half now, just about. It will be another good, solid year before we’re ready to buy a house of our own, but it feels like it’s a decade away. I’m almost positive something is going to happen to set us back, because it always does. Right when things start to feel easy, the powers that be decide to dump a bucket of Jesus-H-Christ-Life-Sucks on you, and you have to work through it before you can move forward again.

How’s that for optimism?

I’ve also started a new job. Well, I say job…and that’s misleading. Job implies that you get to go home at the end of the day and not be working. This is a career (yay!), which means that I am required to BE my job. All day, every day. I am thrilled to finally be doing what I’ve been working toward – though, truthfully, I know in my heart that I would still rather be acting than anything else in the world – but a girl’s gotta eat. And so does a girl’s family, funnily enough. So, for all intents and purposes, this career is what I want to be doing. And it’s fun! Well, it can be fun, when I’m not stressed out of my mind and so busy I can barely think straight.

No, it is fun. When I’m able to dig out from the mountain of work and delve into the creative side, take all the puzzle pieces and put them together into a plan of my own creation, it’s incredibly fun. But, oh my God is it stressful sometimes. In a good way, if that makes any sense.

I’ve also kind-of-sort-of started working on my novel again. I can’t guarantee it will go anywhere good anytime soon, but I’m writing. That’s a start. It’s all I can ask for. One day, I’ll finish it. I hope it’s sooner rather than later, and I hope it’s as good as I’m imagining it can be.

I feel like this blog is basically documented proof that I never finish anything I start. Going to school to be a teacher? Nope, failed out. Apparently online courses are hard for those of us that need external accountability. Writing a book? Meh, maybe someday. Buying a house? Sure, once I get my shit together and finally conquer my student loans.

I’ve got “learn Italian” on my bucket list, too. I have every intention of doing this. Someday.

See? Complete and utter failure at life.

Oh, well.

So, I can’t guarantee my blog updates will be frequent or regular. What will probably happen is I’ll get into a groove where I blog like three times a day, and then you don’t hear from me for months. That’s pretty much my method.

I hope you didn’t give up on me after all these months. I’m still around. Still kicking. Still cynical as ever…just incredibly tired all the time and bitter that things aren’t easier. But, I know they’ll get easier. Someday.


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