THIS PARENTING THING ISN’T AS HARD AS YOU MAKE IT SEEM

THIS PARENTING THING ISN’T AS HARD AS YOU MAKE IT SEEM

Originally published November 7, 2011

We’re picture takers by nature. Every minute event of our lives since Ethan was born has been, for the most part, captured on…well, not film because our camera doesn’t use film. Do they still make cameras that use film? Anyway, we have the pictures. Except we didn’t take a single picture last Monday. You know…Halloween? Apparently neither of us thought that was a photo-worthy event. Go figure. Dammit.

This year, Halloween was much more of an event than it has been in years past. Ethan and Logan are both old enough to enjoy it, they can both almost pronounce “Trick or Treat” (although Logan’s sounds a little more like “Fickerfeet!”), and say “please” and “thank you”. They both smile on cue for the most part. Ethan had been obsessing over his costume for well over a month (a glow in the dark skeleton – which, by the way, glowed for a grand total of 2 minutes. Despite my “charging” it for way more than the recommended 1/2 hour.) Logan had been very excited about being Elmo – then later totally lost his shit and ab-so-freaking-lutely refused to be Elmo under any circumstance, forcing me to be spontaneously creative and come up with some magical way to make him a glow in the dark skeleton like his idol big brother. Thank you foresight for urging me to get GITD (is that a thing? I’m making it one) facepaint on the off chance that Ethan wouldn’t want to wear his mask! A little of that, a few swipes of mascara, and voila! Instant zombie-skeleton thing.

A woman who actually gives a damn about her makeup would probably have refrained from rubbing her mascara brush all over her 2 year old’s GITD makeup covered face. But me? Meh. It made him happy.

(We did Trick or Treat at my office earlier in the day, and then visit Papa Christner at the News, during which time Logan was more than happy to wear the effing Elmo costume, by the way.)

Anyway, so that happened. But we have no photographs of it, so we suck. It was such a great night, too.

Ethan actually had a great day altogether. He got to wear his pajamas to preschool for Halloween (not sure why they didn’t want to screw around with costumes for a measly 2 1/2 hours…oh wait, yes I do…) and have a pizza party because his class finished enough reading logs for their paper ice-cream scoops to reach the ceiling. Well, some of his class did. Ethan almost single-handedly won them that damned pizza party turning in at least one (sometimes two!) logs every week. It took his class 3 times as long as any of the other classes, by the way.

Lazy ass parents, I’m passive-aggressively referencing you.

How hard is it to read your child 15 books in a week? We’re talking preschool books here, not War and Peace. It takes approximately 4 minutes to read “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”, maybe 6 or 7 to read “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” – if you’re really ambitious. So, let’s pretend you read your kid 2 or 3 books a day. That’s about 20 minutes out of your day. Suck it up, turn off the television, and sit down to read with your kids. Honest to God, it’s not that hard. Sick of the same old books? There’s this really wonderful place downtown where they store a whole bunch of books. It’s actually entirely devoted to housing books for people to borrow. It’s so super-crazy, I know, OMGWTFBBQ?!!! And it’s called a li-bra-ry. Seriously. Check it out, it’s totes awesome.

Sometimes I wonder if people are just allergic to spending time with their kids. I’ll grant you, I’m the first to admit when Mommy needs a little me-time. But it won’t be long before my boys don’t want me to play with them, read to them, snuggle with them, etc. So if that means I get to play a little less Farmville, so be it. Unless I’m taking some me-time because I’m totally about to lose my mind at them. Then it’s better for me to take it out on the cows and crops. Damned withered crops…


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