A MOMMY’S LETTER TO HER SONS ABOUT THEIR FUTURE WIVES OR HUSBANDS
Originally published February 3, 2014
There are so many of these floating around out there, most of them are aimed at daughters for some reason. I feel like sons get left out of these…possibly because we don’t feel they’re vulnerable or at risk of being objectified or devalued by their significant others. But, that’s just not true. Girls (and boys) are just as capable, and guilty, of making their boyfriends feel like they aren’t good enough, like there’s something wrong with them. So, while I don’t want to minimize the need for little girls to understand that they are worthy of everyone’s attention, I do want to say something to my boys.
Dear Monkeys –
You may think you’ve got it easy. You clearly inherited your Daddy’s genes, so you’ll probably never struggle with your weight. You both know how damn cute you are (even if you know it isn’t going to keep you from getting in trouble…most of the time). You’re smart, you’re kind, you’re funny (I like to think that was my offering from the gene pool). Honestly, you’ve got a lot going for you.
But the fact of the matter is, there will come a point in your life when you start to like girls (or boys, or both, or neither – but for the sake of simplicity in writing this letter, I’m going to stick to “girls”) in a different way…a way that makes you want to be more than just friends. A way that makes you want to kiss them, like you’ve seen Daddy and Mommy kissing. Unfortunately, the girls you like may not always like you the same way – or at all.
That’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with that, sometimes people just don’t feel the same way you do.
Unfortunately, when you like someone and they don’t like you back, sometimes they’re not very nice about it. I’ll be honest, you’re both kind of weird (which is AWESOME), so there’s a good chance your unique personality may come up when the girl you like tells you she doesn’t like you back. She might call you names, she might tell her friends that she thinks you’re ugly…there are a lot of ways she might make you feel like you’re not good enough for her.
There will come a time when you’re dating a girl who did like you back at some point, but now she just doesn’t. When she breaks your heart, it’s going to feel like you weren’t good enough for her.
This is where I want you to stop. Stop right there. Right now. Do not pass “Go,” do not collect $200.
Don’t you ever dare let yourself feel like you aren’t good enough for another person to love. And don’t you ever dare let someone get away with telling you you aren’t good enough for them.
I’m not always going to be around to give these girls the karate-kicks to the face they deserve when they hurt my boys. And I’m not always going to be around to tell you, in no uncertain terms, what amazing boys you are.
The plain truth of it is this: You are good enough. You are perfect. You are worthy of everyone’s love and attention.
You may just not be the right person for that girl to spend her life with. And that’s ok. There is someone out there for you, and it’s just not her. It may take some time to find her, and you’re going to get hurt – a lot – along the way, but you will. While you’re on that journey, the most important thing for you to remember is that just because you aren’t the right person for that girl doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough for her.
So don’t ever let her tell you that.
Now the flip-side of the equation. You are damned cute, you’re funny, you’re smart – you two are really the whole package. I know that during your teenage years, I will probably meet more girls than I’d like to…and I will have to deal with the fact that you’re doing things I don’t want to think about with those girls. I also know that you are going to break a lot of hearts yourselves, and those girls are going to feel like they weren’t good enough for you.
Don’t you ever dare make them feel like they weren’t good enough for you. Everyone is good enough, and perfect, and worthy of your love and attention.
They just may not be the right girl for you to spend the rest of your life with. And that’s ok.
While we’re on this side of the coin, I want to make something very clear – relationships are a two-way street. There is give and take from both sides. And neither side should ever feel the need to “keep” their partner interested. You are worthy of your partner’s interest just by being you. End of story. And they are worthy of your interest just by being them. Done. Never convince yourself that you need to change, or get fit, or quit a hobby, or act a different way to “keep her interested.” On the flip side, don’t you ever let your girlfriend feel like they need to “keep you interested.” If there’s something about that girl that you feel like she needs to change, then she’s not the right girl for you to spend your life with. No one should feel like they need to change for you. When you fall in love with someone, you fall in love with everything about them – their quirks, their weird habits, their body, their mind, their soul – all of it.
This is going to get ramble-y here, so I’ll wrap it up.
I love you both more than words will ever be able to express. You’re my babies and you always will be, even when you grow up. There will come a time when I’m no longer the most important woman in your lives, and that’s ok. But when another woman takes that place, I expect you to treat her like the most important woman in your life. Conversely, when you take the place of her father as the most important man in her life, she better treat you like you are.
You are perfect. You are amazing. You are good enough. You are worthy of everyone’s love and attention.
And so is she.
Oh and one last thing: I love you. Even though you’re weird. (Because you’re weird? Both. Yeah, both.)