Originally published December 30, 2011

I hate this house.

There, I said it.

Between the faulty electrical, the jerry-rigged pipes, the cracked tile, the “remodeled” kitchen, the peeling bathtub, the disgustingly stained carpet, the snakes, the mice, the brown recluse spiders, and the sewer backing up into our backyard once (or twice) every few months…I hate this house.

The sewer backed up once right after Ethan’s birthday party (oh my God, my baby is 4 years old!!!) two weeks ago, and again yesterday. We’ve been gone for the better part of a week, so it’s interesting to me that it could back up without us even being here. I guess we’re just that talented. I’ll spare you the gory details, but let’s just say it has nothing to do with anything coming out of our house. Thanks, neighbors. I think I’ll host a backyard-shoveling party for you all.

Top that off with two sick kiddos, and the week is just about perfect. Logan is at the front end of a very…wet…cold, and Ethan is at the tail end of it. So I can count on it hitting me right about Tuesday – when I go back to work. Such is life. I need to buy stock in Clorox.

Then we get to the life stuff. Ryan and I have been deluding ourselves for a couple of years, thinking we could get on top of things if only this or if we only did that. The fact of the matter is, we can’t. In our current situation, we will never be able to afford a house – not one we want to live in, anyway – or replace a car, or put money into savings for the boys or ourselves, or go on vacation, or get far enough out of debt to stop worrying. So, we have some very difficult decisions ahead of us, and regardless of which way our path turns, it is probably going to be one of the most trying years of our lives. However, we have been kidding ourselves for too long, and the time for pride has ended. We have to do what is best for our children, for our family, and for our future. Truly, we’re doing fine right now – I don’t mean to be cryptic – but this is as good as we’ll ever be able to do if we don’t change things.

I can only pray that, regardless of the decisions we have to make, we will have love and support – rather than judgment and disappointment – from our family and friends. I truly hope we will, but I’m never sure of these things, and so for now I will only hope.

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