SELF IMAGE

SELF IMAGE

Originally published June 27, 2013

Ok, before I get started, this is not an “oh, boo hoo, pity me and make me feel better” post. Honestly.

I just…I don’t know. I feel like I need to “say” this “out loud.”

I’m not pretty. Not “conventionally” pretty, whatever the hell that means. I have days when I look in the mirror and think, “Hey, not so bad!” And then I look at a picture of myself and I’m like “Jesus, what the hell?”

I mean, I went to go update my profile picture for Twitter, and, well…look at it! This was after about 20 attempts of trying not to look like a complete spaz, and then I gave up and said “The hell with it. It’s not getting any better than this.”

I’ll never be a model. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever be a movie or TV star. There is a worldview of what is “pretty” and I’m not it. I’ve got a big nose and a weird chin, my bottom row of teeth are crooked (thank you, failed orthodontics). I’m overweight, and my body accurately reflects the two children I’ve had (not that I’m blaming them).

Now, obviously some of this can be changed. I can lose weight (God help me, I’m working on it, OK?) and I could get my teeth straightened and my nose reduced and somethingorother done to my chin to fix it….but those things cost money and then I wouldn’t look like me. Except the teeth thing – that’s mostly just a money issue.

Why am I saying all this? I don’t know, maybe I just needed to say it so I could feel like I was being completely honest about who I am. Maybe I am feeling a little sorry for myself. Maybe I was just bored and this was what was in my head.

I’m seriously contemplating getting some audition tapes together for various TV opportunities…mostly because what will it hurt? But deep down, I feel like no  matter how good they are, I’ll be looked over because I’m not pretty. And I have “Climbing Uphill” from The Last 5 Years echoing in my head.

“I am a good person. I’m an attractive person. I am a TALENTED person. Grant me grace…”

Rant over.


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