PARENTAL IDENTIFIER: CORRECTLY IDENTIFY YOURSELF FOR ONLINE CONVERSATIONS

PARENTAL IDENTIFIER: CORRECTLY IDENTIFY YOURSELF FOR ONLINE CONVERSATIONS
Originally published August 26, 2015
It has become clear to me that until everyone has a label that is acknowledged and universally applied, those who participate in mommy wars will be unable to develop a clear idea of whose life situation is the hardest. As such, I put a team together (me, with coffee) to devise a comprehensive system for parents to identify themselves when they enter conversations online, so fellow commenters will have a clear understanding of how their personal situation compares to the person they are replying to.
Any and all identifiers you choose to include are at your discretion. You are not required to disclose any information, your decision to do so is completely voluntary. Fellow commenters may not be held responsible for their lack of knowledge of any information you choose not to disclose. You may not claim additional hardship for any information you choose not to disclose. The identifiers you choose to include will be the only ones deemed relevant to the conversation you enter. The following charts are intended to assist you in developing a comprehensive parental identifier, Captain Optimist assumes no liability in any outcome that may occur from the parental identifier you develop or any use thereof. Captain Optimist cannot and will not verify the authenticity of the parental identifier an individual develops with the following charts.
This is not a legal document. It’s a blog. Chill.
Please note, if you have no children, foster children, or wards of your own, you are prohibited from entering conversations about parenting and therefore do not need to create an identifier.

Feel free to return to this list for reference on terms and abbreviations when you go to fight your next mommy war. It is recommended you make note of your parental identifier in a safe location so you can easily access it.

Your identifier should read as follows, with each section in brackets, separated by commas – enter 0 or N/A if not applicable:
<Financial Status>, <Marital Status>, <Your Age>, <Spousal, Former Spousal, Significant Other, or Former Significant Other Age*>, <Spousal, Former Spousal, Significant Other, or Former Significant Other Parental Status*>, <Personal Parental Status*>, <Number of Children Related to You>, <Age of Child Related to You*>, <Number of Children Unrelated to You>, <Age of Child Unrelated to You*>, <Employment Situation*>, <Spousal, Former Spousal, Significant Other, or Former Significant Other Employment Situation*>, <Spousal, Former Spousal, Significant Other, or Former Significant Other Support*>, <Personal Emotional Hardship*>, <Personal Illness*>, <Personal Disability*>, <Spouse, Former Spouse, or Significant Other Emotional Hardship*> <Spouse, Former Spouse, or Significant Other Illness*>, <Spouse, Former Spouse, or Significant Other Disability*>, <Related Child Emotional Hardship*>**, <Related Child Illness*>**, <Related Child Disability*>**, <Unrelated Child Personal Hardship*>**, <Unrelated Child Illness*>**, <Unrelated Child Disability*>**, <Reason You Personally Face Discrimination*>, <Reason Spouse, Former Spouse, or Significant Other Faces Discrimination*>, <Reason Related Child Faces Discrimination*>**, <Reason Unrelated Child Faces Discrimination*>**, <Family Assistance Level>, <Friend Assistance Level>

*Please list all applicable identifiers, separated by a comma
**Please list eldest child first, including all applicable identifiers, separated by a comma, before listing next eldest child

Financial status:

Upper Class: UC
Upper Middle Class: UMC
Middle Class: MC
Lower Middle Class: LMC
Lower Class Above Poverty Line: LCAPL
Lower Class Poverty Line: LCPL
Lower Class Below Poverty Line: LCBPL
Homeless: H
Marital Status:
Married: M
Married, Separated: M, S
Divorced (Number of Times), Unmarried: D(#), UM
Divorced (Number of Times), Significant Other: D(#), SO
Divorced (Number of Times), Remarried: D(#), RM
Widowed (Number of Times), Unmarried: W(#), UM
Widowed (Number of Times), Significant Other: W(#), SO
Widowed (Number of Times), Remarried: W(#), RM
Never Married: NM
Never Married, Significant Other: NM, SO
Age:
Teenager: T
Young Adult: YA
Adult: A
Senior: S
Spousal, Former Spousal, Significant Other, Former Significant Other Parental Status:
Spouse is parent of all of my children: SIPOAOMC
Spouse is parent of one or more of my child(ren) but not all of my children: SIPOOOMOMCBNAOMC
Spouse is unrelated to my children: SIUTMC
Former spouse is parent of all of my children: FSIPOAOMC
Former spouse is parent of one or more of my child(ren) but not all of my children: FSIPOOOMOMCBNAOMC
Former spouse is unrelated to my children: FSIUTMC
Significant other is parent of all of my children: SOIPOAOMC
Significant other is parent of one or more of my child(ren) but not all of my children: SOIPOOOMOMCBNAOMC
Significant other is unrelated to my children: SOIUTMC
Former significant other is parent of all of my children: FSOIPOAOMC
Former significant other is parent of one or more of my child(ren) but not all of my children: FSOIPOOOMOMCBNAOMC
Former significant other is unrelated to my children: FSOIUTMC
Personal Parental Status:
Parent: P
Step-parent: SP
Foster parent: FP
Legal guardian: LG
Grandparent: Gp
Great Grandparent: GGp
Great Great Grandparent: GGGp
Great Great Great Grandparent: GGGGp
Great Great Great Great Grandparent: GGGGGp
Great Great Great Great Great Grandparent: GGGGGGp
Number of Children:
Enter a whole number here
Age of Child:
Infant: I
Toddler: T
PreK: PK
Elementary: E
Preteen: PT
Teenager: T
Young Adult: YA
Adult: A
Senior: S
Employment Situation
Unemployed, stay at home: U, SAH
Employed, work from home part time: E, WFHPT
Employed, work from home full time: E, WFHFT
Employed, work outside home part time: E, WOHPT
Employed, work outside home full time: E, WOHFT
Work long hours and weekends: WLHAW
Work irregular shifts: WIS
Military, deployed: M, D
Military, not deployed: M, ND
Support:
Supportive Financially: SF
Supportive Financially and in Other Ways: SFAIOW
Unsupportive Financially, Supportive in Other Ways: UF, SIOW
Unsupportive: U
Emotional Hardship:
Widowed: W
Miscarriage (Month of Pregnancy): M(#)
Stillbirth: Sb
Deceased Child (Age – I, T, PK, E, PT, T, YA, A, S): DC(Age)
Deceased Parents (Your Age at the Time – I, T, PK, E, PT, T, YA, A, S): DP(YourAge)
Survivor of Physical Abuse: SOPA
Survivor of Emotional Abuse: SOEA
Survivor of Sexual Abuse: SOSA
Survivor of Incest: SOI
(Present) Victim of Physical Abuse: VOPA
(Present) Victim of Emotional Abuse: VOEA
(Present) Victim of Sexual Abuse: VOSA
(Present) Victim of Incest: VOI
Other (Short Description): O(Short Description)
Bullied, Past: B, P
Bullied, Now: B, N
Illness:
Cancer (Type – i.e. Lung)(Stage – i.e. N): C(Type)(Stage)
Cancer (Type – i.e. Lung), Remission: C, R
Depression: D
Bipolar: B
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: OCD
Diabetes 1: D1
Diabetes 2: D2
Heart Disease: HD
Eating Disorder: ED
Autism Spectrum: AS
Arthritis: A
Anemia: An
Thyroid Disorder: TD
HIV+: HIV
AIDS: AIDS
STD (Name – i.e. Herpes): STD(Name)
Acne: Ac
Asthma: As
Lupus: L
Rheumatoid Arthritis: RA
Epilepsy: E
Narcolepsy: N
Addiction, Drugs: Ad, D
Addiction, Alcohol: Ad, A
Addiction, Sex: Ad, S
Addiction, Other (Specify): Ad, O(Specify)
Irritable Bowel Syndrome: IBS
Other (Short Description): O(Short Description)
Disability:
Blind: B
Deaf: D
Quadriplegic: Q
Paraplegic: P
Illiterate: I
Other (Short Description): O(Short Description)
Discrimination:
Age (Enter a whole number): A(#)
Gender (Identify: Male (M), Female (F), Bigender (B), Male-to-Female (MTF), Female-to-Male (FTM), Transsexual (T), Gender Fluid (GF), Genderless (G-), Intersex (I)): G(Identifier)
Sexual Orientation (Identify: Straight (S), Androsexual (An), Gynesexual (G), Bisexual (B), Skoliosexual (Sk), Pansexual (P), Asexual (A), Questioning (Q)): SO(Identifier)
Race (Short Description): R(Short Description)
Disability: D
Illness: I
Emotional Hardship: EH
Religion (Short Description): Re(Short Description)
Other (Short Description): O(Short Description)
Family Assistance Level:

Supportive Financially: SF
Supportive Financially and in Other Ways: SFAIOW
Unsupportive Financially, Supportive in Other Ways: UF, SIOW
Unsupportive: U
No Living Family: NLF
Friend Assistance Level:
Supportive Financially: SF
Supportive Financially and in Other Ways: SFAIOW
Unsupportive Financially, Supportive in Other Ways: UF, SIOW
Unsupportive: U
No Friends: NF
So, here’s my personal identifier (good luck): <MC>, <M>, <A>, <A>, <SIPOAOMC>, <P>, <2>, <E> <E>, <0>, <N/A>, <E, WOHFT>, <E, WOHFT>, <SFAIOW>, <M(1)> <SOPA> <SOEA> <SOSA> <B, P>, <TD> <Ac>, <N/A>, <SOEA> <N/A>, <N/A>, <B, N>, <N/A>, <N/A>, <N/A>, <N/A>, <N/A>, <G(F)>, <N/A>, <N/A>, <N/A>, <SFAIOW>, <UF, SIOW>

Once you’ve determined your parental identifier, remove brackets and commas for maximum effect – disregard all N/As at this time for added confusion.

MCMAASIPOAOMCP2EEEWOHFTEWOHFTSFAIOWM1SOPASOEASOSABPTDAcSOEABNGFSFAIOWUFSIOW

Are you exhausted yet? I’m exhausted. I also majorly copped out toward the end there because my brain is about to implode.

Here’s an alternate plan. Instead of needing to label ourselves as SAHMs or single parents or military spouses or WHATEVER, how about we all just acknowledge these truths: We are parents, we all struggle, and we should be supporting each other. It’s not a competition, it’s a community.

We are the village.

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